Friday the 13th, I don’t feel so cursed.
Though smog choked, midterms burned, the world perversed,
Him I will see. Those bright eyes ease me like hymns, hinted me to verse…
Oh, I rambled, to stresses I should tremble: boys are nothing but trouble, but should I be so terse?
next to me,
They are forgetful of where my
eyes are, I tried to
remind them but they forgot my
eyes so couldn’t see my
At least stop dropping your pen. Themore you reach across the floor and brushed my
legs, the further you
get from my regards. I contemplated
Today is different. I am still here
early, yes, and one of them
picked the seat next to mine out of the
rows of empty seats and forgot I
can see, AGAIN. I took out a paper bag
I stole from the cafe.
No, though I am disgusted I love my gut
enough to not throw up and scald my tongue with acid.
I tore the mouth of the bag, you stopped looking below my eyes, noticed that I noticed, left.
The only puke this bag will
hold is my word vomit.
Again and again and again and again.
A List of Things that Baffle Me about NYC
- Lack of regard for
- Traffic lights
- Fellow human beings
- The concept of smiling
- Traffic lights
- Other people
- All the awesome museums!!! (And the fact that I got to live out my inner 5-year-old at the Natural History Museum, go to MoMA for free and meet so much awesome art and Sanjana at the MET.)
- Dogs. All the puppers.
- Hella expensive everything (like Hobbit Hole apartment = 890000 like wtf)
- Its similarity to Taipei, especially…
- The transit, though Taipei is newer
- Number of people
- Type of people (who dresses classily)
- General traffic chaos
- Obsession with Starbucks
- Chinatown is full of white people (and good food, because oh my god that lamb cumin burger was awesome).
- The New Yorker stench rising from the sewers (both figuratively and literally)
- Biodiversity (a clusterfuck of seemingly unrelated things. Ex. Natural Museum Oceans exhibit, NYC, and seeing fireflies at Central Park)
I graduated two weeks ago. My sister graduated a few days ago.
I moved across the Pacific too many years ago, I will move too little months in the future. Remember my blue room? My sky, my life, to the former I shall bid goodbye.
This decision wasn’t sprung upon me, I had a say. But it made sense for my mother and sister to live together near the oceans and the sun.
I only miss my sky now, but soon I know I will marvel at a new one behind the Campanile, or the one connecting the waves and infinite distances.
The purple petals cried and I fell, worshipful of the mourning and the morning to come. There is a season for everything, and I suppose this one is for growth; realization that I am but the one in the infinite, sordid bloom.
The wind lifted the branches heavy with bushels of flowers, dropped some, then nodded off to sleep.
This is the first time I had a panic attack.
It started as a simple attempt at relaxation during AP Computer Science class. I accepted an ear bud offered to me from a project partner of mine. As soon as the little thing was snuggled into my ear the nostalgic mumbles of Jay Chou occupied a good half of my mind. Absent-mindedly I was typing out lines of code, trying to remember that I’m not sitting in the back of an old Toyota driving through a typhoon storm, and my mother was not pretending to be annoyed by my sister and my attempts at imitating the loose jaw and nasal voice characteristic of Chou.
Then the strangest thing occurred: some of my classmates conversed or sang off-key as per usual while they work on their own projects. For the longest time I listened to each syllable pronounced. For the longest time I knew not what they meant.
What year is it? Why are Taiwanese people so good at English all the sudden?
Why did I think I’m surrounded by Taiwanese people?
I stopped coding and attempted to convince myself that I’m in America. A shaking hand ran across the laptop before me. Right, a school laptop. That was not a thing in my elementary school eight years ago. But, still. The syllables ran on, a flood of syllables clicked against my ears, and I listened, drowned, only with a fixed eye upon the light at the surface of the water knowing full well all is but an illusion. My heart’s pounding was another chaotic noise that I failed to comprehend.
I pulled out the ear bud, thanked the person giving me the music, wondered and continued coding.